meetjopeblack

I knew somehow that soon I'll be gone. Like William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) in Meet Joe Black, three days ago, I heard voices telling me I should write Cathy a letter expressing finally, all the unprofessed joy I have in being in a relationship with her.  Every night since then, I could only say my thank you's to God for a wonderful life with her as I can't encapsulate the deep feelings I have inside.

I went to the mall yesterday to fulfill a promise I made her before she left for the States.  She wanted me to give her a teddy bear to remind herself of me while she's away.  I scoffed at the thought of buying and keeping a teddy bear.  The thought of me going to a store searching  for the perfect stuffed animal, having it wrapped and handing it to her was just so revoltingly silly, cheesy, and so carnivalesque.  But since I heard that voice, I felt this would be the perfect time for me to cross my threshold for love.

And so I did buy one.  I bought one of the cutest bears I found.  The sales attendant told me it was from UK.  I have nothing against locally made stuffed toys, however, I couldn't bear giving a cheap one to someone so dear.  I couldn't stomach giving a bear so cliche to my pearl of great price.  I got hold of a Nici bear and felt it was it.

We named it Deathcab from the band Death Cab for Cutie, who not too long ago almost sang for us our goodbye song.  Now through the toy, it would spin a new metaphor for us.  Deathcab would immortalize tacky romanticism and my undying love for Cathy.  If I die now, Deathcab will remind Cathy of my promise of forever since day one.  Deathcab would be me present wherever she may be especially because we are prevented from being together by a paper yet to be signed.   I am Deathcab for Cutie.

I'd be most willing to go if that's the only way to transcend the limits of finite space so as not to be separated from her ever again and die each time we say goodbye.  I don't want sorry's and goodbye's.  I love her so.

P.S.  I didn't finish writing my letter.  I gave her a rushed note instead since she was with me the whole of last night to fulfill her valentine wish--that is, to lie in bed with me one night, just lie and watch TV.

A horrific image last Friday at the Ninoy Aquino monument in Ayala Avenue cor. Paseo de Roxas:  Cory Aquino is surrounded by Jinggoy Estrada, Mayor Binay, Tito Sotto, and Roilo Golez while praying the rosary.

This is no united opposition.  This is a pretentious display of unity stitched only by a common want to get rid of the president powered by a consciously evaded discordance in values.  Prayers, churches, the military and the poor are being used to forward individual agenda.  This won't work.  They may unseat the president, but the forged unity will eventually collapse and then we're back to what started this all.

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Unrest at the Fort today.  Querubin appeals for support from the clergy.  Media swamped the base while the crowd led by Teofisto Guingona and Cory Aquino gathered at the gates waiting for a pass to get inside.  Deja Vu.  Haven't we seen this happen last year in Guadalupe with this whistle-blower asking for protection?  It worked twenty years ago;  been there, done that.   Recreating the script and simply repeating the formula can not overthrow the existing rulers.  It's not the act that will start up a revolution.  It's the values underneath them all which will propel the nation to set right what's wrong in the state!

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(Pinoy Big Brother)  On Rico being amorously mad with Roxy. 

In an after-nomination conversation with Roxy.   

"Which camera do I look at?" when asked if he were serious with Roxy.

"If you want me to leave, I'll leave this house...  I'm the underdog here... All I wanted is to help you... Ikaw kasi you're just after your image..."  <Ding>  Did anyone ask for your help?  And let's backtrack a bit, who's the image conscious here?

Later,

Rico hands Roxy a book.  He instructs her to read the story out loud.  Roxy hesitates.  "Just follow, do it, faith.  This is a task you should do.  I want you to read this out loud.  That is the task I'm giving you... don't read it just for the sake of reading it.  Read with feelings."   And you've assumed big brother's role now?

"Roxy, I want to lend you my book.  This is a good book.  You should read it.  This will help you to get to know yourself more..."  Rico, are you out of your mind?  You're crazy!  To fix a broken relationship, you have someone read a chapter of a book, with feelings?! 

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Pinoy Big Brother is a micro-representation of the confusion in our society.  Everyone's crying.  Everyone's wailing.  Everyone's trapped in his or her own issues and/or agenda and no one's admitting that they are motivated by their own private idiosyncracies.  Solutions to problems are either spiritualized or sugar-coated by love contorted according to their whims.  No solution can be arrived at.   God and nation and love and principles are being dragged into the picture to provide philosophical grounding for selfish motives.  Worse is, no one's aware that this is happening.  Everyone thinks that they're doing what's best for the other, when in fact, it's only their selves they're satisfying.

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The present national crisis is brought about by the question on the president's legitimacy.  Yes, it's about truth, justice, and honor and it's but right to uphold these values.  It is honorable that she resign her post as president to end the incessant rants, coup-plots, and demonstrations of outrage. But, assuming she does make the "supreme sacrifice" of resigning, then what?  When vacuum seeps in, we know how the eager-beaver politicos and the extreme left will jump to the fore and snatch power for themselves.  Call me a pessimist, or a cynic or myopic in my views even, but really, what is this ruckus about and from past history, how did we behave when given the opportunity to rectify what's wrong?  How can we arrive at a win-win solution here?  As I see it, it's silence and mea culpa's to history. It's our fault, we brought this upon ourselves.   Let's let this go, accept the stalemate, and buttress what's the little left uncorrupted in us.

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We seek the truth?  Be bold and accept the selfishness of our public image.

In the end, it's only Keanna (Reeves), the fake-boobed self-professed escort mom, who seems to know where this country is headed.