It's the Marikina Gay parade once again where aspiring beauty queens don their gowns, wigs, and tiaras and turn the streets of Sta. Elena into one ramp. Tradition gave May 4 to this sector. Danton Remoto's group should be proud.

But what are these guys doing--the re-electionist councilor, the airforce, and the senatoriable?

meetjopeblack

My bestfriend texted me saying how he's going to miss his friends and that he's close to tears everytime he thinks about the company he's going to lose on his migration to Australia. Why leave then if you're going to be whiny about it? was my initial reaction. Of course, I didn't text him my cold shoulder. He's my bestfriend and he's feeling vulnerable that time. There's no place for ridicule and sarcasm even if the thought of losing my best bud likewise sucks.

You see, I've lost two to Australia--him included. There'd be no crying anymore; one just have to get used to people coming and going especially at this age of the O-F-Double U-fication of filipinos. Filipino families are moving out of their homeland to seek greener pastures. They have traded the bonds of friendship, kinship, and for some, citizenship for money, ergo comfort, ergo lifestyle, ergo future. I admire their courage to uproot themselves and break close ties however painful it may be for those they will leave behind just so they can establish and find their selves.

--Because staying would mean they'd have to die everyday confronting the pragmatic forces that attack the tenderness of sheer love professed by the couple on their marriage. Some don't have a house they can call theirs yet. Some even haven't used one of the three rice cookers they got as a wedding gift because they're living with their parents and they cannot even step into the kitchen to call their own shots on what to have or not to have for dinner. For some who have their own house, they have the prying eyes of filipino neighbors who are too nosy and conservative. Their neighbors act as their bundy clock--they know when the couple are in and out and what time they reprehensibly went home. Some are saved from these spies but are not spared from the hand-ordering done by their parents who can't let go of their baby boy or girl. In a place where others can't let go, won't let go, even if you've marked your box, the filipino family tradition just have to be left for a distant country. And here I'm not talking about going abroad for the money, it's really because you want to establish your self as a couple, if not, an individual first. Leaving the country then is the best option for a new couple wanting to establish their identity.

And so I don't cry for my bestfriend. This is a decision he made for himself and for his future family, who am I to stop him from seeking his happiness. What worries me is not the leaving, what worries me is his certainty in finding his happiness with this person he married. I hope he understands that when he's gone, he is gone--and I do pray, it's for good.

Learning: Not all people marry the ones they love. Or maybe, not all people understand what love really is. To you bro: it doesn't mean that because her positive traits outweigh her negative traits, she's the right one for you. Although love is patient and kind, love also is just. Come back when you've realized this for your self.

Plugged into: Fall out Boy's cover of "So Sick"

I'm not saying I'm growing tired of Cathy. Far from it, I am. However, the house routine is killing me and I'm afraid I have nothing to share with her anymore soon. I'm afraid I might lose her because I have lost myself in not being creative enough to weave magic at home, because I surrendered to the stagnating power of routine. I wouldn't be me anymore by being that. I must admit, my light's flickering and close to being put off. It's not her fault when that happens. She doesn't deserve this from me either.

Plugged into: Beegees' "Don't Forget to Remember"

meetjopeblack

Thinking of the worst possibilities, I will not be able to swim again in the next how many weeks or months. It was through the breaking-in of my new shoes did I realize that I damaged my foot pinky on a bad fall while skimboarding in Boracay three weeks ago. I had my left foot x-rayed yesterday and the Orthosurgeon told me to pray it's nothing major and that I won't have to go through surgery. Must be psychosomatic because now, my foot is more swollen and the curve is more prominent.

Damn. I won't be able to swim and I can't wear shoes. I'd be incapacitated for at least a month. Can't take a bath as freely as normal days. Will have to change my wardrobe too. I can't use my new pull buoy which i recently discovered to be an alternative abdominal exercise by holding on to the gutter face back, pullling the buoy down with your feet slowly and doing a negative as it floats back up. Goodbye to that too. Driving will not be as easy also--if it's any consolation, it's the left foot that's injured, not much use for it except for pressing the clutch. Bah! It still is a huge bother.

Tomorrow, Friday, is d-day. I'll have my x-ray interpreted by the same doctor and go to Makati for a meeting in the afternoon. I have a lot going tomorrow--things to face, things to accept. I'm praying for good news from the doctor and Ms. E. New challenges tomorrow. Wasn't I asking for change? Here they come.

meetjopeblack

We're going back to Antipolo.

It is the first church we went to hear mass at. I can still recall how very much in-love we were that time (not that we're not in-love anymore, it's just that it's different back then--we're coy, starry-eyed, and we're no-touch. You get what I mean.)

Antipolo holds a very special place in my heart. Memories of myself are all over the place. It is where I was put to the test as a seminarian one summer apostolate and saw the strength of my moral fiber. In Antipolo, I am an idealistic youth. I side with the poor and the marginalized. I question authorities about unjust practices. I am friends with everyone from the bishop down to the casuy vendors. I'm in-love with people and in their stories.

On our first mass, I wanted to show Cathy my world and acquaint her with the kind of person I am.  We toured the church vicinity, chit-chat with old friends, and heard mass after. We stayed at the loft to have an eye-level view of the Virgin of Antipolo. I meant to stare the Virgin in the eye and tell her about my love. I prayed then for her to seal us in love. I asked that Cathy be the one and that she be my wife. At that moment, I made my vow.

A year and a half later, we came back to have our wedding rings blessed before Cathy left for the states. Prayers were answered. She's marrying me. Fast forward to another year, we got married. And on Sunday, we'll go up to Antipolo again to have our new car blessed. We're now starting a home.

Three years and counting to eternity. If I die, I wish I can have an audience with the Blessed Mother so I can thank her personally for Cathy and for the wonderful life I have.

I met myself in the hills of Antipolo eleven years ago. As I start on a new journey, now with the lifetime partner I prayed I'd have, I'm back to Antipolo, living there, until I am fully equipped to leave and to take root somewhere else.

It's a circle and I'm back to point one. But then again, where's point one? I begin and end in Antipolo--my starting point and finish line--

peace and good life's voyage.

meetjopeblack

Plugged into: Kjwan's "One Look"

How lucky this guy is! Dying at a young age, preserving his beauty and leaving a good rep behind. Saw him in a movie in Cinema One this morning. "Lucky guy!" was all I can heave.

I've always wished I'd meet Joe Black at a young age. I know he's just around the bend; I wonder why he hasn't come to visit me yet.

Life is excruciatingly difficult especially when you're forever at the crossroad and can't decide which way to go.

Rico Yan must be ecstatic wherever he is right now. But then again, no one knows what's on the other side. We can only wish it's not as difficult.

Plugged into: Hellogoodbye's version of "Escape"