Entries for July, 2007

July 3rd, 2007

dear Cathy


meetjopeblack

It's three years; we've definitely come a long way. I'm happy no moment in those years were wasted because you added flavor to what could probably have been a plateau or a downward spiral for me starting in 2004. Looking back, I'm becoming more and more a believer that ours wasn't an ordinary serendipity. And assuming that it was, it's a happy chance encounter and I can always look back on that day with only feelings of gratitude. Thank you for that welcoming smile you gave me on our first day of meeting. That was the same smile you wore when you came to room 551 after you had your d and c. Thank you for the buzzes and texts which launched this love story of us. A misinterpreted text, "Paano mapipigil ang isang damdamin?" showed me your passion and desire. It made my jumping into this pool much easier because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with me that soon. Thank you for the muffins and cookies you lovingly prepared for me that first day of classes in June 2004. It gave me a clue on how generous and caring a person you are which up to now, I can still see in you--waking up earlier than usual to get me breakfast or seeing to it late at night that I'm blanketed to warm me in my deep sleep.

Three years have passed. It's a foreshadowing of what I mean by forever. And I'm the least afraid of what tomorrow or eternity can be because you are here and you'll be there with me. Sure, we may have some quarrels. Sure, we may not have seen eye to eye in a number of cases but that's part of our being real individuals and that was set clear even before we committed to each other. Sorry for the times I pushed my opinions on you. Sorry for the times I did not listen to what you wanted to say. Sometimes it's just difficult for me to face defeat. I'll be less defensive and competitive next time.

After the loss of our 5-week old potential baby, I don't know what you're feeling, what' you're thinking, how you're coping with it. We're in a surreal (unreal?) world and I think we've lost something of each other in the process. I love you's can't get through to us, I wonder why. We're talking but the noisy unspoken words seem to be out-talking us. Tell me it's just me or tell me for real what's going on in you.

On July 1, 2007, our third year, we reset our life as a couple. We try to start on a clean slate once again however impossible it may be after a full three years of fond memories and hurtful tragedies. But when did the impossible matter to us? Our journey as boy-girlfriends, our engagement, our wedding, our three months of living in together, our ordeal with the potential baby--aren't all these things impossible ones that came to pass nevertheless?

I recall your words on our exchange of vows, "we will go through this together, so long as we're together..." and I borrow from the movie What Dreams May Come to summarize what I really wanted to say to you: I will go through hell with you to show you how I deeply cherish "together" and that I am true with my "forever".

I love you Cathy. Things will never be the same again, but I am with you forever.  Happy Anniversary!

Your Dodong,

Jope

Plugged into: Jack Penate's "My Yvonne"

Posted by meetjopeblack at 02:01 PM | 1 bench press(es).

July 10th, 2007

alas!

When you're talking non-stop for three hours everyday (five hours on Mondays and four on Wednesdays), all you want to do after is to shut up and shut down.

Kapag nasabi na ang lahat ng masasabi, ang mahalaga ay hindi pa rin masasabi pwede bang manahimik naman muna?

 

Posted by meetjopeblack at 09:35 PM | mix me my whey

July 11th, 2007

too good to be few


meetjopeblack
I've been raging like a bull lately, confronting inefficiency left and right. There must be an unwritten rule or a code shared by business front liners, "if you can get away with it, don't give the standard." First was when we watched The Transformers at the Globe Platinum Cineplex in Gateway. I complained about an unfresh popcorn bucket I was given. She said it just came out of their popcorn machine. I offered it to her so that she herself may know that the popcorn isn't as crispy and hot as she defends it to be. She turned her back on me and walked away. I snapped. "I'm talking to you," I bellowed, "don't turn your back on me when I'm talking to you." No apologies from her, she simply offered to get me a new bucket. It was delivered to me a few minutes later; same shit--still unsatisfactory. Good for her she wasn't there anymore when the movie ended or else, we'd both be in the manager's office for my complaints and me asking for a refund.
 
The same went with a caterer in school. They have set meals on sale. Php70 for one viand, a plate of vegetables, a cup of rice and a drink. I ordered to have one. The waiter said they don't have vegetables anymore. I then asked how much my bill would be without the vegetables. "Still Php70," he said. You can see my eyebrows raise to the nth heaven. "Are you mad? That's unfair..." and flooded in my diatribe. Seeing that I won't give in to their inutile arguments, they gave me another viand in exchange.
 
A co-teacher is also on my watch list. For the last two meetings, he/she failed to erase the blackboard. And he/she expects his/her students to be responsible in class while he/she neglects the most basic of his/her task as a teacher and as a colleague, that is, to clean the blackboard when his/her time is over? Even a kindergarten knows how to clean his/her own mess.
 
Do you know that the New Medical City does not issue official receipts for reimbursements? They just make you sign a voucher similar to the ones you get in National Bookstore. First before they give you the patient's bracelet (I don't know what's it called), you are made to pay a Php20K consumable downpayment for their services. They will issue you an O.R. for that but will give you nothing for the actual payment you made in cases when your downpayment is greater than the amount you were actually charged. There are no official receipts either for the professional fees. They will just give you acknowledgment receipts for the P.F.'s and if you need the O.R., you have to ask it from the doctor yourself. Don't you think something's irregular there? Why not give an acknowledgment receipt first for the initial payment and give the O.R. when the transaction is completely done? We tried asking for an O.R. but we were denied and even scolded for wanting to muddle their books. These are her exact words, "Ayaw n'yo n'yan? Sobra pa nga ang nakalagay diyan sa resibo n'yo eh... kami namin ang kukulangin ng resibo kung bibigyan pa namin kayo ng bago!" To that I rested my case. There's no point in arguing for truth and transparency when cheating is treated as a virtue by a shrieking woman and your wife is standing beside you fuming mad after undergoing a d and c. Question now is, what do we tell SSS and Philhealth when the official receipt doesn't correspond with the billing statement?
 
All is not lost however in this world. There are still a few good men who practices quality professional standards and has good moral sense. One of which is my car dealer, Bonnie. He's like our Doc Bobet (remember the TV commercial?)--all our questions about our Dodong, he's our go-to guy. He checks on how our car is; he tells us how to deal with service personnel. He even delivered to us personally our car plate. Up to now, three months after we bought Dodong, he makes sure that we are satisfied with their services. When I saw the new black Swift, he showed me the new features and gave me the feedbacks he got about the new design. Honest, sincere, unmanipulative. So if you're thinking of getting a new car (Hyundai, Nissan, or Suzuki), tell me and I'll give you his number. He deserves this free advertising. It's the least I can do to return his graciousness.
 
Another such person is my friend, Jomel. He's our department gofer. You ask him one thing and it's delivered to you in a flash--no thrashing about. And when things are beyond his powers, he humbly assumes no superman or messianic attitude. He'll direct you to the proper offices yet still with a step by step guide on what to do and how to go about it or at least with a primer on the nature of that office or your query.
 
The same is true with the security guard of the SSS office in Marikina. I asked him about the procedure in filing for amendments in my record. Since they were transferring to a new office that day, he suggested that I go to their Cubao office instead. He asked me if I know how to get there. I nodded but he saw through my pride (actually, I just didn't want to go to Cubao anymore), he volunteered to draw me a sketch of their office. Boy, he REALLY made sure that I find their office and that I file my papers. What struck me about him is his love for his job and the sense of fullness he gets in helping other people. You can literally see the glow on his face.
 
I think these all boils down to finding meaning into the things you do. It's always a question of being happy with your job or being mechanized by the tasks one should deliver. When everything revolves around money and completion of tasks then it's easy to forget about maintaining good relations with people. It's easy to not look at people in the eye, be mindful of the uniqueness and vulnerability of their faces, just stick to the procedures and norms. What would that world be like? Not the kind of place you would want to be in, no?
 
Post.Script.
Last night while Cathy was trying on her new clothes, I was stunned to realize that she is NOW my wife and that I am her husband. We've been sleeping together for months now and I have grown used to her presence. I failed to look at her face and see new lines and marks on how matured she has become since we met. She's now a different woman; I love her still. But I have to reconfigure and redefine my love because things have changed and we love not ideas but real persons who change. It's not the idea of her that I must love. I must love HER. And that can only happen if I begin to look at her again.

Posted by meetjopeblack at 09:18 PM | mix me my whey

July 16th, 2007

optimum nutrition


meetjopeblack
I spent tens of thousands of pesos ordering supplements online when I was starting to be serious with weight training.  Back then, I was taking creatine, phosphagen hp and dextrose along with whey protein to gain mass.  I was skinny (or at least I thought I was) and I want a bigger and meaner body.  You know, the works: broad shoulders, a six pack, pumped pecs, and full calves.  I trained hard and ate right with my wonder drugs; I slowly progressed to reach my desired weight and shape in months.  Thinking my growth was due to the supplements I was chugging and that I'd lose every inch of muscle I so hardly worked for if I stop taking my shakes and drinks, I  quitted buying and drinking supplements with so much apprehension.

Now, it's been a year since my last glass of whey protein, I achieved the weight I want and the built I so desire.  I'm no Masterpiece yet but I'm quite happy with what I have achieved.  I can proudly say that I did well in maintaining my weight and built even without my supplements and however hard it is to accept, truth is, my mom was right--I don't need those supplements.

I still visit my favorite bodybuilding site for news, articles, exercises and nutrition & weight tools but, I frequent real  sites more.  Last night was a visit to Cuillére.  Their Tenderloin Steak in blue cheese sauce is heavenly and their 300g Lamb Steak on Ratatouille is ecstatic.   Complementing their mouth-watering french cuisine is their excellent friendly service.  Glenn who waited on us should be commended for his hospitality and three cheers for the lady owner who's so warm and pleasant with her hi's and smiles.
 
A Taste of L.A.'s pizza in Tomas Morato is also worth a return visit.  Their ultra thin pizza, the thinnest I've had, is a perfect light snack especially when eaten with chums on a laid back evening.  Trio's pizza at the Fort and their raw beef salad are likewise must try's.  Their pizza margherita is the best I've tasted--so thin, no frills, just your good ol' plain italian pizza.
 
I may have lost my supplements but who needs them when I have real food with a palette of flavors in colorful and artistic presentations in front of me.  Who would exchange cuisine for synthetic and/or artificial food?
 
Physical wellness is not only about proper nutrition and exercise.  It is also about an experience of tastes and colors and aromas within social exchanges of smiles, glances, and talk.  It's better to spend tens of thousands of pesos with real people than in jugs of synthetic supplements enriching yourself alone.  Both ensure satisfaction but one promises happiness.

Plugged into: Amy Winehouse's Back to Black

Posted by meetjopeblack at 05:45 PM | mix me my whey

July 18th, 2007

my best friend's jell-o


meetjopeblack

I remember an exchange in the movie My Best Friend's Wedding which is the subject of my current confusion on relationship-roles and one's individuality.

Kimmy Wallace: I can be Jell-o!
Julianne Potter: Crème brûlée can never be Jell-o. YOU could never be Jell-O.
Kimmy Wallace: I HAVE to be Jell-o!
Julianne Potter: You'll never gonna be Jell-o!

How much do we have to change for our partner? But that question already pressuposes that one should change for his/her partner. Do we really have to? This rightfully should be answered first before we discuss the amount, quality, and frequency of adjustment and accommodation in relationships.

I've been teaching "love" for years. Ask me something and I can run you a dissertation on the positive and negative delineation of love. However, when it comes to real life problems where I (or my ego) is involved, I can only scratch my head and go blank.

Does becoming a Jell-o for someone translate to real love for the other? Or is it an egotistical self-flagellation to please the partner?

Love does not seek to change the beloved, so the philosopher Scheler says. It is because the beloved is so deeply affected by love, the beloved, on his own, aligns him/herself to what is right.

Does this include becoming a Jell-o? Is it right for a Crème Brûlée to become a Jell-o?

The answer is,

I don't know.

And I won't throw in that love is a mystery crap because this one is the subject of real confusion needing a realistic and practicable elucidation.

Posted by meetjopeblack at 05:10 PM | mix me my whey

July 20th, 2007

tame me/tameme


meetjopeblack

Each of us has a way of talking and being addressed. Like the use of our right or left hands for writing, these are preferences which are built in. Neither is good nor bad; they're just that--preferences!

These may have come from our glorious and not-so glorious pasts. Probably from the way we were brought up as children or from our internalized position of influence on our circles during our play and school ages.

Our minds have automatically categorized and labeled words as pleasant or unpleasant, facial expressions as agreeable or aggressive, and body language as suave or brusque. These biases come into play when we're socializing with people and however good intentions may be, certain reactions are drawn out from us even we ourselves don't like.

And so it's always best to take it slow when approaching people. It's advisable to be on the safe side rather than start off a potential relationship on the wrong foot because of faux assumptions on the other's openness to friendship. When one's boundaries has been trespassed so early in the encounter, chances are, you won't get through the never-ending automatic laying of bricks and walls of filters from the person pursued. Then, no genuine relationship will ever develop.

It was the fox in the book The Little Prince who spun the brilliant concept of taming. To tame is to establish ties, according to the fox. And to establish ties, one must be very patient in being distant at first and letting the other be comfortable with one's presence. No talk at first, warns the fox, for words are the source of misunderstanding. Talk is the final step, done only when their unconscious have exchanged personal glances.

Relationships are so delicate. Because they involve people and their stories, we ought to be very very careful.

Sometimes it pays to just be quiet.

Posted by meetjopeblack at 09:21 AM | mix me my whey

July 25th, 2007

the algorithm march



Let's try it one time. You, me, and the whole clan. I tell you, this one's better than Barney's dance.

Posted by meetjopeblack at 06:42 PM | 1 bench press(es).

July 30th, 2007

crazy? stupid? or does it simply call for a change in paradigm

(Article received through e-mail. Original source unknown.)

"Dancing Filipino Jailbirds become YouTube hit"

CEBU, Philippines--A video of Filipino prisoners dancing to hits like Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in bright orange uniforms has become an instant worldwide hit on the video sharing website YouTube.

The video shot in a provincial jail on the central Philippine island of Cebu show some of the 1,600 inmates dancing in a routine to the Jackson classic and has attracted more than 1.9 million views on YouTube. The website also shows routines for Queen's "Radio Gaga" and music from the hit move "Sister Act."

The success of the videos, which see dozens of orange-suited men lined up in neat rows, dancing in synchronised fashion, has surprised the men who started the practice as a form of physical exercise. The dancing, held twice daily in jail, was the brainchild of special security consultant Byron Garcia who also put the videos on YouTube. He said they began the dancing routines last year after he noticed that very few of the 1,600 prisoners were taking part in the calisthenics and push-ups that the jail was offering for their exercise.

Garcia was also looking for something to inculcate discipline in the prisoners who had been jailed for crimes ranging from murder to drug trafficking. Garcia said they first started off by having the prisoners do military marches -- but to the tune of the Village People's disco hits, "YMCA" and "In the Navy" and Pink Floyd's "The Wall."

"I thought it would be easier to communicate with them using music," said Garcia.

"When they perfected the marching, we started the more difficult routines," even hiring a choreographer for them, says Garcia.

Vince Rosales, a former provincial capital employee who also manages a dance group, recalls that "I was really scared during my first week there. The inmates would not listen to me. They even threw slippers at me. They complained that they do not like to dance."

Garcia however laid down the law and compelled the prisoners to take part and eventually, they accepted it. Rosales says he has even received thanks from elderly and infirm inmates for devising dance exercises for them.

The "Thriller" dance that has become so popular on YouTube actually took a month to perfect, he recalls. They also have dance routines based on local pop songs which have also been added to YouTube. Garcia however says the real benefits of the program are not its popularity but its effect on the prisoners. "Do you see discipline, coordination, synchronization? The high morale and high self esteem. If you watch the video, you can see discipline at work," he said.

*****

Should we institutionalize this and have us dance en masse to effect discipline and cooperation? We tried uniting us through Cha-cha, how about doing a Dayang-dayang?

If this is the way to win one's freedom, so be it. It's high time we think of alternative ways to get us out of the mess we're in. Dancing ain't that bad an alternate path.

Posted by meetjopeblack at 07:49 PM | 2 bench press(es).

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