meetjopeblack

A metro-aide was wiping the picket fence at the bridge in Marcos Hi-way one morning. She was halfway through; the other half clearly off the dust and was again crisply pink. Her meticulous cleaning caught my attention because she was wiping polishing each and every square of that pink fence in Marcos Hi-way--yes, meticulously, diligently, keenly and with a happy face on her.

Assume there are two of them cleaning the fences. One wipes the fences clean and this metro-aide I saw shines the fences just as clean--but perhaps, a little better, in microscopic levels. Like when you're watching Superbit DVD compared to a regular DVD or when you're listening to a Bose component compared to one of JBL. There are differences alr'ght, but the differences are apparent only to the trained and the... uh... persnickety. Now their boss drops by and sees the fences now clean. Will our metro-aide get commended for the detailing she did on the fences? Will she receive special commendations or will she share equal congratulatory remarks with her buddy?

Magis is doing more; taking that extra leap to excel. When it comes to work, do our bosses even care about the extra effort one puts on a project? To begin with, do they even notice? It's unfortunate that such going-the-extra-mile efforts cannot be included in our resumés especially in a world where output is primary and the outcome only secondary to profit. Magis is one for the self, for one's personal record--one's check against mediocrity and complacency. And even if the family or a company can benefit from the excellent job done by a person who operates on magis, what was asked of someone and what will be compensated are only those in his job description, not those done in magis.

The often quoted text from The Little Prince says that what is essential is invisible to the eye. Nice no? However in our world, what's essential doesn't matter anymore. What's essential now is what one can see and hear and touch and taste. "Show me the money" is today's mantra. Show me you're living up to standards, my standards, the society's standards is the principle.

And ironically this happens in this world where individualism is strong and self-expression is encouraged.

meetjopeblack

Really. They are. Self-absorbed. Carefree. Unable to commit. For the first few days or months (years even), it might be fun as you are likewise in only for the game--the pleasure of having a companion to go shopping or watch a movie with or just have a hang-out buddy, smoking and drinking beer. It's easy to explore the annals of the metropolis when you have that alpha male with you--you feel safe. You are even safe from your self--with a boy with you, you won't have a dull time. No deafening inner noises about your own loneliness to hear.

When is this going to end? No, not when you get married and have a family. Marriage is no cure for the common disease called insecurity. Many people get married because of it and what do they have? A co-dependent relationship sucking each other's marrow dry. You wouldn't want to have that kind of life, would you?

It's not really about boys. Neither it is about girls. It's not about gender. It's about persons. Individuals! Unless you want to talk about you and face your concerns first, you will pass blame on others if not blame yourself for the miserable state you're in. Unless you realize that no one can complete you other than yourself (because in the first place, you are already complete in yourself), you will always fall for the wrong guy. Thing is, is there a right guy for you? Will there be a right guy for a person who is never comfortable in her own skin?

Do a moratorium on relationships first. Pack your bags and visit Tibet. Love yourself and when everything is right within, that person from without will come.

That's how I did it and that's how we're doing it now.

Plugged into: Mak & the Dudes' "Breaking Up is Hard to Do"

meetjopeblack

Sex.   How I love sex!  Don't we all?  Recently I was interviewed about my thoughts on masturbation.  I told the interviewer that I'm very liberal about it and that the issue on masturbation, for me, rests more on it being healthy or unhealthy rather than it being moral or immoral.  Sex and sexuality in general is a gift, that's my premise.  Imagine the act itself, the pleasure it gives you and the potential of creating a new life--isn't that amazing? And let us not forget about the politics and the game  and the mind-reading--the mystery in the movements of the body, the exchange of fluids, the unsheathing of the self to another self.  How wonderful sex is!

So why forbid masturbation?  Why denounce it as a case of onanism?  In my younger years, I encountered a book entitled How to Make Love Six Nights a Week.  I read the book from cover to cover hoping that one day, I'd be a Don Juan de Marco.  It's from Pedro Almodovar's Carne Tremula did I get the idea of promising myself, like what the main character in the movie did, to be the greatest lover after  being ditched and called a sleaze in bed.  I made that vow as a vendetta.  I will not leave the bed until my girl says stop, until I whack her brains out, until she pronounces my name as the greatest of lovers.

Anyway, the book HTMLSNAW candidly says that many men think that it's the size of their dicks that matter.  It plays a role but it's reallly how one uses his that makes a sleaze a stud.  The author suggests that partners should go into some sort of body exploration--holding off for the homerun until one really understands the other's pleasure points.  This by the way reminds me of yet another movie, Bliss.  It's erotic not for the graphic sex but for the tension building up within the characters and between them as  partners as they master the art of making love.

And making love is what sex is.  Misleading though since you don't really make as in create, build, manufacture love; in sex, you exhibit love.  Never should anyone use the words "gumamit ako ng babae" (or lalaki for that matter) in describing engagement in sexual activity.  Sex is not solely for release or for pleasure.   Sex is a gift shared between persons.  It is the unraveling of each's intimate persons--their souls.  It is contra-essencia to engage in sex with a stranger, worse pay somebody for it.  It desecrates sex and debases it to pure carnality.

So what I told the interviewer is that masturbation is unhealthy depending on how it is used.  It's needless to say that sexual urges are normal and hence amoral and seeking a release of the sexual build-up is equally a normal urge.  Some entertain this urge; some don't.  Some pleasure themselves often; some resist touching themselves.   If it is isolates the subject from other people, then it is unhealthy.  If one exchanges an alone time for masturbation over a basketball game with friends,  that's already going overboard and he/she should seek therapy.  When  one cannot control the compulsion to masturbate, it is a sign of addiction (and it goes for any other thing which one can get addicted to).

Masturbation is an important component of one's sexuality.  It is through it that the person knows, by him/herself, the extent and limits of his/her sexuality.  He/she learns his/her own pleasure points; likewise, he/she learns his/her own dynamics and rhythm in the expression of his/her sexual nature.  Being frank about sex, partners can use masturbation as a tool for them to learn about each other's bodies--their wants and want-nots in sex.

I ended the interview with my theory on why the church decanonizes masturbation and puts sex on a pedestal.  It is probably to make us avoid abusing the gift of sex and our sexuality.  The Church glorifies sexuality christening it as virginal and pure.  I agree with them on that; sexuality is no toy for kids.  It is only for the mature and responsible because it is a glimpse of what's inside the person, his/her delicate subjectivity.  The Church's prudish law against masturbation is similar to Jesus' radical law on adultery, divorce, and murder--if your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away.  As for masturbation, it seems that the Church follows this logic--before you totally lose control of your sexual self, abstain from exploring, refrain from touching your self.  The only reason, I think, why Jesus and the Church have been very strict about these things is to stress that we do take care of the gift of life, the gift of sex, the gift of pleasure, the gift of our humanity.  But if one is responsible and mature enough to rein the urges according to a productive and healthy direction, I don't see any reason why one should avoid expressing his sexuality.

I'll be damned for my liberalism. 

meetjopeblack

i've been downloading musicals since last saturday.  i've now completed Avenue Q and listening to it while doing household chores. 

and cathy too

she joined me in swimming last saturday while singing to her favorite musicals.  she even said yes to weight training with me to tone her triceps.

and we didn't notice it.

change is inevitable. only question is do i change consciously to accommodate my partner?  then change and love becomes a task.  and soon, one grows tired of it and quits and splits.

i'm fine with the changes. is she too?

woke up this morning more in love with cathy.
she brought her ipod to work with my new downloads in it.
i'm by myself at home listening to Avenue Q doing my work.
she'll be home at seven or eight and we'll be together again.

we'll change and grow together. that's her vow

and mine too.

meetjopeblack

Been out of the electronica loop for years now after my student, who's my supplier of cd's, graduated.  My Ipod's now filled with pop, punk, standards and musicals and I only got two chill-out sounds in it: the Bliss anthem, Kissing, which is so five years ago and Telepopmusik's Breathe.  Until I went to Samsung Metrowear's fashion show last Tuesday, I reunited with my music.

Thanks to the little I remember of my french, I found the song Raya and the models strutted to, Sympathique, by Pink Martini:

Plugged into: Pink Martini's Sympathique

meetjopeblack

I have a deadline coming up next week and I barely completed the first part.  Was unproductive the last two weeks as my health was dancing with potential flu.  It was Berocca which saved me from the slow crashing of my body; I have yet to recover fully.

The following though were uppers:

Butterfly everyday for fifteen minutes. Someday, I'm gonna be my own Michael Phelps.

Funny.  Fresh. Sing-able soundtrack.

The Devil Wears Prada of food.  Appetizing.  Light.  With a heart.
I can just stare at Catherine Zeta-Jones for hours.

Plugged into: Pavarotti's "Nessun Dorma"

I was apprehended by the authorities yesterday as I ignored basic rules in driving and some common courtesies offered to implementing officers.  Won't go into details here but the scene was like a high speed car chase in a freeway with helicopter spotlights and metal beams halting traffic.

No excuses here.  I guess the default MMDA-reaction operated so, I sped away.   Guilty, the scene replays in my alone-dazed-moments.  It hounded me in my dreams last night.  The guilt comes from me tainting the virginal reputation of our Dodong and me smearing my own honor with juvenile idiocy.

I woke up still bothered by the thought which I wish could just be undone and purged.  I flipped the cable channels for distraction:

The videoke channel plays, "I don't understand why you had to run away..."  Click to Cinemax:  The character says, "Enough, Jeffrey."

--as if they were talking to me.

What did I get myself into?